TANTRIC ZOO begins at a tantric sex retreat in 1987. Amid the cavorting and indulging and groping and exploring one of the campers ends up dead. The surviving sex campers bury the body and return to their lives. Until 2008 when the body is discovered and forensic anthropologist Bud Warhol tracks the campers down. Bud finds the murderer but also discovers how two decades of guilt has altered and affected the lives of everyone involved with the Tantric Zoo.

Darren Elmore has it all: beautiful wife, status, profitable vineyards and winery in Sonoma County. But it isn't enough. He has always wanted-needed-to know what it feels like to kill a man. So Darren chooses an unknown victim on a lonely road and indulges in a thrill kill. And he gets away with murder. Until a blackmailer shows up. Then Darren's own life and livelihood is threatened unless he pays. Now.

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR.... is the result of twenty years of research. It is, quite simply, the definitive single-volume collection of modern American adult humor: An old man walks into a bar and the barkeep says, "What's new?" The old guy says, "I think my wife died." "You think?" "Yeah. The sex is the same but the dishes are piling up." A man arrives at the emergency room; the doctor approaches him and says, "Your wife's been in a terrible car accident, she's a paraplegic and brain-dead. You'll have to spend the rest of your life caring for her." "But doc, I'm only 25 years old. She might...

Captain John Wryght, USAF is piloting the Bandler Deep Probe 9 when the spaceship encounters three unembodied aliens. The DP-9 is contaminated and John initiates the craft's self-destruct sequence. But billionaire Richard Bandler overrides the billion-dollar-vessel's self-destruction and the DP-9 returns to earth, evanescent aliens and all. These pure-energy aliens realize that, in order to interact with the earthlings, they must assume a corporeal form. Knowing that every human who ever existed came into being through the birth canal, they presume that by taking the form of the human pudenda...

What do clouds wear when it's raining? Thunderwear. What time is it when 12 people go skiing? Winter. What do you call a one day old dog? A puppy. When did George Washington die? Four days before they buried him. A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a BLT. He enjoys his sandwich, but when the waiter brings the bill he pulls out a gun and kills him. Then he walks out without paying. The manager chases and catches him and asks, "Who do you think you are? You kill my waiter and then leave without paying?" "I'm a panda bear." "So?" The panda hands the manager a dictionary, "Look up...

No matter how intense or honest or pure our desire to become a writer it ultimately comes down to having talent, developing your particular level of talent, or giving up. And it doesn't matter what the public is reading, what Oprah is recommending, or how you feel. If you are a writer you'll start writing that book and you'll finish it. Then whether it sells or not--whether it's published or not--you'll finish another. And another. And another. If you don't you're not a writer. This isn't a particularly comfortable or encouraging proposition and the fact that it might result in a lifetime of...

"The man next to me is jacking off," said the blonde to her girlfriend as they sat in the movie theater. "Ignore him." "I can't," said the blonde. "He's using my hand." How do we know that God isn't blonde? If she were, sperm would taste like chocolate. What are Vanna White's favorite consonants? North and South America. What do you call two blondes standing on either side of a friend with a broken leg? Support hos. Why'd the blonde get fired from the sperm bank? Drinking on the job Why'd the blond give up moose hunting? The decoys were too heavy. What is gross stupidity? 144 blondes. Why'd...

An old man living at the retirement home was attracted to an old lady, also living at the home. One evening after lights out, he has a couple shots of Scotch and sneaks down the hall. Fortified by his liquid courage he says, "I wanna fuck you." "Well," she says, "everyone else is asleep, so, what the hell." "How do you like to do it?" "I really like it when a man goes down on me," she says. He lifts up her nightie, takes off her panties and starts yodeling in the gully. He comes up about 15 seconds later with a disgusted look on his face. "I'm sorry, I just can't do this. Something smells...

Why doesn't Smokey Bear have any children? Because every time his wife gets hot he throws dirt on her and beats her with a shovel. A lady brings her Schnauzer to the vets. The receptionist asks her what's wrong with the dog. The lady shows her the dog's ear, which has an ingrown hair. "I'll save you some money," says the receptionist. "Just go down to the drug store and get some hair remover and rub it on the dog's ear. You won't need to see the doctor." "Thanks." She goes to the drug store and says to the clerk, "Do you have hair remover?" "What kind, lotion or spray?" "What's the...

"Can I," Dirty Johnny asked his mother, "have some money for candy?" "What happened to the five-dollar allowance I give you every Saturday?" asked mom. "I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park." Mom is so proud of her son. His charity and giving spirit; his humanity. She opens her wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. "I'm very proud of you Johnny, sharing the way you have been. But this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving money to the homeless they'll never get a job." "But this homeless guy has a job." "Really? What does he do?" "Every Saturday morning,...