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How my wee boy, as naive and pastey as he is, could get a grown woman tae go weak at the knees, screaming, as it appears you wis last night. When he's nae so much as accidently brushed up against a wifie afore, and there's nae internet or dirty magazines in the hoose tae speak o. And I ken, I've checked under his mattress. Nut, nae contact wi anither female in the world. Oh. 'Cept his mammy o course. 'Cept his mammy.

Geoffrey Buncher is an art teacher. Until now his only meaningful relationship has been with his mother, Edie, who doesn't want her 'wee man growing up too...