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STRICTLY UNOFFICIAL! The newly discovered diary of Boris Alexander de Pfeffel Johnson, aged 131/4, provides a fascinating glimpse into how Boris, a lazy, bumptious and overweening child, comes to believe he should be Prime Minister. Along the way, we see him hone the techniques and persona that will one day hoodwink a nation. *** Extract from 13-year-old Boris's TEN RULES FOR LIFE: It's not lying if you don't bother to learn the truth. Many people - politicians, for instance - make the mistake of going about laden with facts and statistics. However, when studiously ignorant of...

Lying on a riverbank on a lazy summer's afternoon - 23rd June 2016, to be precise - Alice spots a flustered-looking white rabbit called Dave calling for a referendum. Following him down a rabbit-hole, she emerges into a strange new land, where up is down, black is white, experts are fools and fools are experts...