Elmer J. Schmo is a very rich man who has everything he wants. Unfortunately, Elmer is bored. After consulting with his advisors, he decides to hold a contest. Whoever has the best idea to alleviate Elmer's boredom wins one million dollars.

After placing an advertisement in the local newspaper, Elmer weeds through hundreds of letters until he sees a hastily scrawled message on a brown paper bag that asks if he has ever collected 'tis bottles. Anxious to find the owner of the message, Elmer hires the FBI and the NSA to investigate. Finally they locate the message's author...