I can move only with the aid of barrels of anti-inflammatory gel, sticking plasters and real ale anaesthetic. Martin and I descend from hours of walking to the small town of Middleton-in-Teesdale. I walk, stiff legged, into the campsite office and a plump, middle-aged woman looks up from her desk and can see the old timer is in trouble. "Oh, what a shame you weren't here last week," she says, pity radiating from behind her horn-rimmed specs. "You've missed him." I look at her, puzzled. "Elvis!" she explains. "You missed Elvis." Oh God, now I'm hallucinating... In Bothy Tales,...

From somewhere out in the vast whiteness of the blizzard we hear a cry for help. Instinctively the three of us turn and head across the mountainside. We find two men and a woman, huddled together in the snow, unable to descend the steep icy slope between them and safety. The woman asks if we are experienced in conditions like this. My friends and I have tackled a few winter hills in the Lake District and bumbled up easy rock climbs, but we have never been in a full Scottish winter snowstorm. I laugh and assure her that this is nothing to mountaineers like us. Soon our hills will be...

Lord Purdey was shaking with anger. 'Bring back the lynx? Over my dead body!" The environmental protestors murmured, and Rory stepped forward. `Your hunting has destroyed our hills and left them treeless wastes, devoid of wildlife. It's time that changed.' `Listen, you lentil-eating cat lover,' Purdey barked through the megaphone, `men like me own Scotland. If we want to kill anything that moves and turn the whole damn place into a theme park, we'll do it.' Someone from the group of protestors hurled a turnip. It struck Purdey and he crumpled to the ground. Just as the archaic class...

John D. Burns, bestselling author of The Last Hillwalker, rediscovers Scotland's mountains, bothies and wildlife in the stormiest months. Wild Winter is a reminder of the wonder of nature and the importance of caring for our environment. As he travels through the Highlands, John finds adventure, humour and a deep connection with this wild land.