In the spirit of A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters stars Jaundice and Kale Bland--two sisters who avoid excitement at any cost. Instead, they eat tasteless oatmeal, rarely venture into bright sunlight, and read only Dr. Snoote's Dictionary, because storybooks are just too thrilling. Together, they await the return of their parents, who left for an errand years ago and have never come back.

One day, a knock on the door leads to the Bland sisters' kidnapping by an all-female band of pirates--but this is only the beginning of their escapades....

Arriving in Egypt to uncover the mysteries of a magical scarab, sisters Jaundice and Kale Bland are reunited with their parents. Thanks to their mother's old archeology notebook, the Bland Sisters uncover their parents' real identities in their final unintentional adventure. Illustrations.