Justice: O. J. Simpson is a lying, murdering bastard who cut the head off the mother of his children.

Boxing: Yes, Don King once beat a man to death. Yes, he ripped off fighters. But he also saved boxing.

Trash Talk: A lot of today's jocks bring nothing to the game but trash talk. They talk the talk, but their game sucks. Shut up and play ball.

Portland, Oregon: The plumber's butt of American.

Sports Marketing: Unless sanity returns, the leagues will be taken over by shoe and soft drink companies that won't be satisfied until they sew their logos on Michael Jordan's butt.

The Modern...