Portly art dealer and seasoned epicurean Charlie Mortdecai comes into possesion of a stolen Goya, the disappearance of which is causing a diplomatic ruction between Spain and its allies. Not that that matters to Charlie ... until compromising pictures of some British diplomats also come into his possession and start to muddy the waters.

Art dealer and assassin Charlie Mortdecai has fled to Jersey, taking his thug Jock along with him, just in case. For now though he's had enough of secret government agencies, of stolen paintings, of terrifying Chinese gangs, and he's getting on surprisingly well with his nubile young wife. But there's no peace for the wicked - and Charlie can sometimes be very wicked indeed. When it seems there's a sexual pervert at loose on the island targeting nice middle-class ladies, Charlie takes it upon himself to find the deviant.

All the Tea in China - a Mortdecai novel by Kyril Bonfiglioli, soon to be a major film starring Johnny Depp 'One of the funniest writers ever' Uncut After committing a crime anyone but a close relative might forgive, Karli Mortdecai Van Cleef leaves Holland double-quick with his uncle's buckshot lodged firmly in the seat of his breeches. Discretion being the least-idiotic part of valour he decides to hide far away in London, among the tea shops and opium dens. On savouring these Eastern delicacies and knowing an opportunity when he sups upon one, young Karli throws in his lot with an opium...

Jsem v nejlepších letech, jestli mi rozumíte, vzrůstu jsem průměrného, váhy žel nadprůměrné a na mých rysech je interesantně znát, jaký jsem býval oslnivý fešák. Mám rád umění a peníze a sprosté vtipy a alkohol. Jsem velice úspěšný. Za studií na poměrně slušné druhořadé internátní škole jsem přišel na to, že ve rvačce může vyhrát celkem každý, pokud je připraven vrazit soupeři prst do oka, charakterizuje sám sebe na počátku svého neobyčejného příběhu bezostyšný obchodník s uměním, zhýralý aristokrat, snob a excentrik Charlie...