This is the story of the completely real homosexual origin to Santa Claus. Faced with persecution for being gay, Santa, his male lover, and their two "beards" flee to the bitter reaches of the North Pole to set up an LGBT sanctuary for abused and neglected youths. Yes, Santa is gay.

This is a work of fiction in which a fictional narrator meets up with a character suspiciously named "Mike Hence" in the bathroom of a truck stop, after being propositioned for sex on Grindr. While engaged in oral sex, another suspiciously named character, "Donald Drumpf," barges in on them.