I have always wondered why relationships were so disposable, divorces so easy to get and why any subsequent relationships also tended to fail. Conversely, I also wondered why in the world others stayed in clearly dysfunctional and even abusive relationships.

Over the years, as I worked with couples I noticed a common theme among clients. Many were in their second, third or fourth long term relationship or marriage and were once again having the same issues. It was obvious to me that people would leave one relationship thinking their partner was the problem or that they were a bad...