Spy by night, blogger by day, Zelda Alpizar becomes infected by a contagion known to civilians as guilt, forcing her to choose between following orders or intervening to save two watchmen. Their trance-like lethargy makes them the ideal storage drives for a detonation code. Decrypting it could have lethal side-effects. Though the most important thing Zelda will ever find, the boundary between good and evil is of little value in a place where the only legend reads Here There Be Monsters. Security guards, harbingers of dawn, are they not warriors? Beneath the polyester Travis and Alex consist...

Jablonski revolutionizes Western thought via tangents and asides during the greatest road trip since Homer, unveiling the paradigm-shattering contributions of Petronius' Shovel(c), Petronius' Blender(c), Schadenfreude Before-the-Fact(c), Quietude(c), and Petronius' Garage(c). They take their rightful place in the pantheon above Occam's dull Razor, Plato's much-ballyhooed Cave, Aristotle's overrated Golden Mean, and Russel's leaky Teapot. (Also includes a blistering critique of the Phoenix legend). When his classic Pontiac is abducted by a deity who lives in the depths of Lake Michigan,...