I was born in 1975, Chinese year of the rabbit, Aberdeen year of the carpet. My father was Lord Mayor of Troon, my mother was Chief Flask Scientist for Thermos. One of five children, with 2 elder brothers, Simon and Thomas, and 2 younger sisters, Dave and Chris, I was chosen at an early age to be schooled by the League of Doom. Thanks to the League of Doom's regimented education system, I graduated in 1989, aged 14, with a doctorate in rubber stamp manufacturing. Using money bequeathed to me by an elderly llama, I was able to start up my own stamp manufacturing company, named Debenhams. By...