It was not long after Papa died that the bottom fell out of my world and I felt like the original 'Alice' tumbling down a rabbit hole. The place I found myself was not the 'Wonderland' Papa had created. It was a bizarre world from which he had tried so hard to shield me. A world in which I found myself with a butcher knife in my hand as the blade was deeply embedded in the stomach of James, Mom's new boyfriend. It all felt so unreal, a dreamlike state - no...a nightmare.