When 100 senators play Red Rover... when dogs pee on moving joggers... when conspiracy theories arise over the Bush "Shoe Incident," you have a truth in the purest form. In the format of the lying news company that produces The Onion, you have the only thing better; The Unbitten Onion. Thirty-four articles that will make your stomach hurt, your cheeks burn, and your friends look at you with mercy, The Unbitten Onion is a book that you should only read with a phone nearby (with 911 on the speed-dial).