This is the actual story of the Arthurian Legend, complete with warts - WARTS? - it's got warts, piles, sore feet, incest, mistrust, greed, jealousy, treason, adultery, sex, violence and even football and cricket. This is not the romantic, epic adventure that Hollywood would have us believe. Far from it, this one comes complete with all the sex, violence, greed and mistrust that have traditionally made the British people the loveable race they are. This is the story of the formative years of the country that would create the biggest headache, sorry empire, and become the biggest pest the...

In the beginning there was peace and harmony. Mother Errthe was gently tending her flocks and nudging life along at her own pace. But She reckoned without the Schkrapmerchants. This bunch of misbegotten, misinformed policitical prisoners were on their way to exile when their spaceship got the hiccups and landed them on the dark side of the moon nearly 20,000 years ago. Due to the brain-numbing, skull-imploding boredom that only a true immortal can experience, they decided to speed up evolution and create a new race of super-intelligent apes that they would become the gods to. Did they...