The Springfield Story is a short satirical novel, loosely inspired by the first chapters of Candide. It tells the story of an American high school which decides to make its small contribution to the counter-terrorist efforts organized by the big boys in Washington. The Principal of Springfield High, legendary ex-football coach Stonewall Johnson, determines that his institution, "best of all possible high schools," must be a target for the next round of terrorist attacks. He responds by arming the football players with automatic weapons, and ordering regular sweeps of school property. This...