In the very near future, only the rich and the devious have privacy. The Snowden Avalanche has revealed the private transgressions of ordinary US citizens in such astonishing numbers that the whole aggrieved nation has come to the collective decision that the Puritan prudery of America's first settlers finally, and forever, has to be kicked to the curb.

Manhattan-based iAesthetician Sabina Hrafnsson has made a lucrative career out of buffing up the images of those who got caught in the Snowden Avalanche with their metaphorical (and sometimes literal) pants down. Aside from her...

EASTER SUNDAY, 1973: Just before dawn in Kingsburg, California, six-year-old Gordon Swannson, asthmatic boy genius, gets his ass kicked by a spectral Easter Bunny--an event that sends his already hyperactive imagination spiraling toward paranoia. Gordon becomes convinced that ghosts and other weird entities inhabit a daimonic reality that can interact with our everyday world. He starts seeing mystery and danger everywhere in his isolated farming community. He even thinks his best friend, Jimmy, might be possessed by demons....

JUNE 7th, 1979:...

YALDABAOTH HAS A PROBLEM: a pesky author named Derek Swannson has been writing books that veer too close to the truth about the Lord of the Illuminati's underground activities on Earth.

Intent on destroying Swannson's reputation by fueling his gonzo appetites with the rewards of American capitalism, Yaldabaoth enlists the help of Jeb Beezos, the CEO of Glamazon--a global Internet juggernaut that's made Beezos one of the world's richest men--and Conye Best, a superstar rapper who happens to be married to the world's most famous reality TV star, Limn...