I may be in the middle of nowhere,
but I still have standards

Like it's not bad enough Daddy's in jail for embezzlement (he's a super-successful Hollywood agent, btw, and totally innocent), but since my fashion-model mom died when I was a baby (I'm sure you've seen the E True Hollywood Story) I've been shipped off to Possum Grape, Arkansas, to live with relatives I've never even met. You read that right: Possum. Grape. Not only is there no Starbucks in this town, but I'm sharing a room with a six-year-old and I'm about to miss the biggest social event of the year...