No one understands the complexities of modern life better than Eugene Mirman--claims Eugene Mirman--and anyone seeking guidance from a man who has lived through everything (except the Great Depression, the Spanish-American War, and Jerry Lee Lewis's sex scandal) won't resist this charmingly hysterical guidebook.

• Become ultra-popular in high school (without "putting out" -- whatever that is)
• Discover somewhere between four and two thousand ways to overcome social anxiety (closer to four)
• Start a band, become an artist, or disappoint your parents by getting...