"My name is Eliza H., and I am a celebraholic."

So begins this cautionary tale of how celebraholism can ruin one's life-- or at least one's twenties.

Once, Eliza dreamed of walking down the aisle (at the Oscars) and having a meaningful existence (every minute of which would be chronicled by People magazine). But by her twenties, her soaring ambitions have been reduced to friendships with two people who have some small chance at fame: Danny, a gorgeous and sadly untalented actor, and the unscrupulous Dinah, who has no attribute she will not exploit.

Oh, and not to...