If you're looking for fun new ways to talk about pooping, then Poophemisms is for you. From going to throw down some brown to chumming for sewer rats, you'll never run out of ways to tell your friends and loved ones you're going to crap

Poophemisms is a veritable dictionary of defecation, with over 1737 different ways to say you need to take a dump. Arranged alphabetically, the book covers everything from "Adding a wing to the manor" to "Zapping the porcelain."

Makes a fantastic gift for grandma.

A word on Onanism: Masturbation is a glorious activity which will keep you young and full of vigor. This little masturbatory compendium is full of wonderful nuggets to spice up your speech when it comes to polishing the pontiff, or dating Hannie Palmer. No longer will you be tongue-tied when Mumsie asks what you've been up to. "Why Mumsie, I've merely been dragging myself to Hell, one hand's breadth at a time." Give it some time and a copy of this book and even Mumsie might come back and tell you she's been "doing her fingernail board work." So wank away