Get the book that tells the world: "I like to read large-print TV tie-ins "
Top ten wise-ass things to say to the clerk as you purchase this book:
10. "Don't bother wrapping it. I'll eat it here."
9. "I can't believe some jerks just go to the library and check out books for free "
8. "MEEEEOW You sell books to kitties, don't you?"
7. "Whoa You must go to Letterman's barber."
6. "You know, they really ought to do one of those Cops-type shows about bookstore clerks."
5. "I was going to shoplift this book, but my pants are already full of...

David Letterman's Book of Top Ten Lists and Zesty Lo-Cal Chicken Recipes
by David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman Writers
It's like watching TV -- with the added danger of paper cuts
Top Ten Apologies to People Buying This Book:
10. Cheap glue will only hold the thing together for about six days.
9. Some kids sneaked into the printing plant and added the word "ass" to a lot of the lists.
8. It costs about a dime to print one of these babies -- now take a look at the retail price, sucker
7. We're using the money we make to buy...