Not everyone who gets turned into a vampire becomes a sexy rock star.

At twenty-seven, Vincent Lester still looks seventeen, acne and all. He lives in his parents' basement, playing PlayStation and barely surviving by licking the blood off raw hamburger trays. His parents nag him to find a day job, but he's afraid the sun will make him burst into flame.

One night at the bar, Vinny picks up a drunk girl, literally, and gets his first taste of fresh, human blood. Then things get really weird.