Cousin Sam, Sam

Some claim he is the illegitimate love-child of a geriatric Uncle Sam and underage White House intern, discreetly delivered in an Oval Office broom closet and dumped along the presidential campaign trail somewhere. Raised by wolves in the wilderness and winos in the back alleys, he has recently emerged from exile to reclaim his noble birthright.

However, other less devout believers argue that this so-called "Cousin Sam" fellow is simply some homeless idiot savant who stumbled across a tattered old Uncle Sam Halloween costume out in a dump...