When you were a wide-eyed kid filled with dreams and joy, what did you want to be when you grew up? A ball player? A doctor? An adventure guide with a reality show on cable television? Whatever the case may be, unless you ate your weight in paint chips or displayed early onset masochistic tendencies, it's unlikely (impossible) that you grew up running through grassy fields dreaming about a career in freaking sales. You see, none of those silly dream jobs ever panned out (uh, duh) and now you're circling the drain of life's filthy shower while your friends who weren't so inexplicably reckless...