Lady Gaga farts with gusto, as do Oprah and Mo'Nique, while Dr. Dre and Yo-Yo Ma much prefer the one-cheek sneak. The girl from Ipanema now weighs one eighty-three. Now each day when she walks to the sea, she looks at me. There's no sleeping pill made, no trick of the trade, like rum or the counting of sheep, that can carry a man like a breast in the hand and a bum in the belly to sleep. Why is it that... Patrick Dempsey incarnates sex with a beard of several days, while I, unshaven just as long, resemble Gabby Hayes? In a men's room it's P.C. to leave the seat up apres pee. And Sarah Palin,...